It’s hard to care for others well. I don’t mean asking someone how they are and saying “I’m sorry” when they’re having a rough go of it. I don’t mean telling a friend that you think they’re awesome on their birthday note. Those things are great, but what I mean is really, truly, honestly caring for them in every present moment.
I mean compassion and patience and a never-giving-up, always-hoping, kind-of love.
That’s what I mean when I’m talking about caring for others well.
Because, deep down, that’s how we all want to be cared for, eyy?
Living in Compassion
Compassion is so important when it comes to caring for others. But it’s a lot harder than you might first expect. When you break the word down it literally means: to suffer with. I don’t know about you, friend, but it is not my human heart’s first desire to jump into another person’s suffering. Surely you can care well for others without. . . you know. . .hurting with them.
And I understand that thought process. Really, I do. I’m not perfect and I’m still learning as I go, just like you. It’s hard to intentionally choose to suffer with someone. But that’s exactly what Jesus did for us. Jesus set the perfect example for compassion while on this earth. When He healed the ten men with leprosy in Luke 17 or when He wept at the death of Lazarus in John 11. That’s compassion.
Jesus suffered with us.
And, as His followers, He asks us to live in compassion for those around us. To dance with them when they are joyful, to cry with them when they are weary, to not just say “I’m praying for you,” but to put action to our love for them: to walk with them through every season of life.
Just like Jesus did for us, God wants us to step out of our comfort zones to care well for our broken world.
Offering Patience and Grace in a World That Wants Perfection
We live in a world with high standards. People want order and success; there should be no mistakes along the way. Of course, you and I both know that there will be mistakes along the way; lots of them, in fact. But even with that in mind it’s hard to offer grace in a world of self-serving expectations.
So how do we offer grace and patience when people mess up? Honestly, I’m still learning myself, but I’ve learned a lot just with having siblings. Because, let me tell you, siblings are a lovely blessing, but they will test your patience just about every day of your life. Here are a few points I’ve picked up along the way. . .
1.I can’t expect perfection when I’m not perfect myself.
That hits hard, huh? I want to be able to expect perfection and I want things to go as planned, but it’s unfair to expect flawless behavior and results in those around me when I’m just as much of a work-in-progress. Just like you and I want grace and patience we don’t deserve, we should be asking God for strength and humility to offer the same to those around us.
2.It’s not about me.
Caring well for others means putting aside your own selfish ambitions and desires. The world is spinning in a chaotic madness of me, me, me. It’s all about self. We have become self-centered and unconcerned with those around us. Isn’t that heartbreaking? No, wait. . .I’m not just asking if it’s heartbreaking that your neighbor didn’t donate money to that children’s hospital or homeless shelter or what-not. I’m talking about me and you. About our selfishness. That’s heartbreaking.
Instead of worrying about the extra work and fatigue that someone else’s mistake or learning process will require from you, focus on helping them grow through the process. Turn it into a moment where you can show them that you really care about them.
3.What is it worth?
I think the most important note to make is to ask yourself: what is it worth? Is this mistake worth more than the person that made it? Does the exhaustion that comes with this person’s learning curve or growing process matter more to me than the person themselves?
If you want to care for others well, you have to stay steadfast in it. Don’t just care for them when life is happy-go-lucky. Care for them with the same passion and love when they’re looking at you in tears, dumping all of their struggles in front of you.
Care well for the right reasons: care well because people matter.
A Never-Giving Up, Always-Hoping, Kind-of-Love
The love I’m talking about is the kind of love that sees the chaos, the train wreck, the heartbreak, the stresses, the mess-ups, the mishaps, the brokenness and says, “I’m gonna stay.” Through it all, every lonely road, raging sea, and storming sky, that kind of love stays through it all.
Because that kind of love isn’t self-seeking. It isn’t not motivated by gain or want. It isn’t haughty or proud. Nope.
That kind of love is just . . . real.
Simple as that.
Real love stays. Even when it’s tough. It believes in you when you want to give up. It prays for you and hopes for you when you want to disappear. Real love stays.
You want to care for others well? Be the kind of love that never gives up and always hopes.
Be the kind of love that stays.
Listen. Encourage. Direct. Care Well.
There are three final points that I want to make on caring for others well. The following are hard. They require all of the things already mentioned above: your compassion, your patience, your grace, and your love. But they also require time and commitment. It’s important to remember that we are called to care for others well as believers in Christ, but don’t burn yourself out. Make sure you’re staying healthy in the process too.
1.Listen. People need to be heard. Sometimes all someone wants is for someone else to care enough to listen. You don’t have to agree or even understand, just listen.
2.Encourage. Be there to lift them up on the hard days, stick around when the rain comes.
3.Direct. Never stop pointing them to the One who loves them most. Never ever stop.
You will learn and grow as you go. The process of caring for others well takes time and it’s not something we will ever perfect. But the point is this: our actions should reflect our God. Jesus cared well, friends. He cared really well. In fact, He cared perfectly. You and I can’t do that. But we can keep trying.
So don’t give up. Don’t stop trying. People need to be cared for and they need to be pointed back to the God that loves them.
Because at the end of the day, He cares most.
This is so true. We are called not to be indifferent like the rest of the world, but to be loving and compassionate. Something I struggle with is not feeling compassion and empathy. I do love and serve others, and I am a faithful friend, but I don’t have the feeling. When other people are sad, I know I should be sad, and I’m sober about what they’re going through, but I don’t feel a deep-reaching heartache for them… and I wish I could. Any thoughts?
I struggle with it too, friend–it’s a learning process 💛 Sometimes we rely too heavily on the feeling and it’s hard to know the balance. It’s true that some people are naturally more empathetic than others (and that’s okay!). It helps to be diving right into the situation with the person you’re trying to sympathize with, but, at the same time, we won’t be able to always understand the exact feelings and pain or joy someone is going through. Our job is to be there for them (and with them) as well as we can, even if we don’t understand or grasp the same feelings entirely. Another thing you (and I with you!) can do, is pray for a deeper compassion and ability to empathize better with those around us. (Those are just my thoughts on it–if you have other thoughts I’d love to hear them! 😊)
If I may, I’ve been learning about feelings recently. You can’t always force yourself to feel a certain way, (though having the correct attitude and thinking about the person the way God does certainly goes a long way) but you can choose to love the person and be there for them like you and Rue were saying. Biblical love is not a feeling, it’s a choice. Hope this helps!
Thank you guys!
Isabella, I remember feeling exactly as you are, and love was a choice I made, except every now and then I would feel an overwhelming love for someone that didn’t feel natural (something that didn’t seem possible from me). So, I reasoned that this “feeling” of love was from the Father, and each time it happened, I would tell people that Abba Yah must really love them for me to be feeling this way! But the fun part I want to share is that I DO feel empathy now and it overwhelms me because it is powerful at times, and I do not fully understand it, but I think the cause is a continual searching. If you look for Love, you will find Him. Draw near to Him, and He will personally fill you with Himself. You are now a living vessel ready to be poured out with HIS love! 💛
This is beautiful. And such a great reminder for me as I start back to work with my students and coworkers this week. Don’t you just live God’s timing. I may need to read it a few more times. Thanks.
Eyy, thank you, Mrs. Kristi! I’m so glad it was a good reminder; His timing truly is wonderful 😊
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
😊💛💛
I truly loved this!! Very encouraging for me to open my eyes!
I also love that song! I haven’t heard it in years, now that u showed me I remember it now! Luv ya rue Thxs girlie!
Thank you, friend! I hadn’t heard the song in years either. . .I found it when writing this post 😂💛
Hahahaha well thank u!
Such good points!!! Thank you so much! (I read your testimony…Wow!!! It’s incredible.) And I love Brandon Heath’ s songs. Keep up the good work! 🙂 <3
Aw, thank you! (Eyy, thank you, friend. . .God’s hand and love in a messy world is a beautiful thing indeed 🌻💛 )
I journaled about this very thing this morning, and it dawned on me that one of the people I need to care for right now lives right beside us. She’s grieving and needs a shoulder and a respite from her house of memories and mess (sorting through, remodeling). So, I think I’m gonna stick a handmade invite in her door: “Come to a tea party at my house!” It’s a start.
Aw, that’s so lovely 💛I’ll be praying for you as you reach out to your neighbor–thank you for being there for her!
Beautiful Rue 🙂
Thank you, friend!
Hi Rue! I just discovered your blog, and I absolutely loved this post. I love the song “Give Me Your Eyes” as well. It is so true that it is easy to be self-centered in a world full of selfishness; and even in the Christian community, where we often lack authenticity and fail to draw closer than arms-length to our brothers and sisters! We tend to forget the importance of true compassion and empathy. Thanks for this reminder.
Keep going, friend. Your words make a difference.
P.S: I also love sunflowers and rainy days 🙂
~Emma
Eyy, welcome, Emma! Thank you for the sweet words and encouragement, friend; I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 💛 Aw, that’s lovely! 🌻
Yeah, it is hard. And as always, a great reminder :D. I don’t know how you keep this up each month, គេលី, but thanks!
Thank you, Rebekah! I’m glad it was a good reminder💛
So many gems in this post, but this really stands out to me: “The love I’m talking about is the kind of love that sees the chaos, the train wreck, the heartbreak, the stresses, the mess-ups, the mishaps, the brokenness and says, “I’m gonna stay.” Through it all, every lonely road, raging sea, and storming sky, that kind of love stays through it all.” 💛
and this. . .
“I think the most important note to make is to ask yourself: what is it worth? Is this mistake worth more than the person that made it? Does the exhaustion that comes with this person’s learning curve or growing process matter more to me than the person themselves?” 💛
Such GOOD questions!
It can be so hard to love the unloveable (especially those who express hate towards us) but I want to “be the kind of love that never gives up and always hopes.” Thank you for the encouragement, Rue. 💛
Eyy, I’m so glad it was able to touch and encourage you 💛 I want to be that kind of love too and it’s definitely a work in progress. By Yahweh’s grace we’ll keep growing one step at a time!